Saina Hamidi

Content Warning: Sexualized violence, birth. Please take care!

What happens at ovulation? Why do women bleed once a month? These are issues which are not really spoken about in our country. Not at school, and not at home. But I spoke about them anyway.

In addition to my work as a psychosocial counsellor, I educated people about the female cycle and sexuality on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. I wanted girls to know what was happening in their bodies. Since ignorance often leads to health problems. 

My family supported me in this. My first video camera was a gift from my brother. My sex education book was published in 2019 with my husband’s assistance. I distributed it in the streets – and even pushed it into men’s hands so they could give it to their sisters and daughters at home. When the Taliban came, I went silent. As long as I can remember, their brutality was an issue we talked about at family gatherings. My fear of them led me to delete my videos. 

On August 14, 2021, our son Hamza was born by C-section. A new life in a world that seemed to be ending.

A day later, a female doctor came into the room and said: “Pack your bags, the Taliban have entered the city.”  

We had just got home when the first message from medica mondiale arrived: “Go to the airport. We’ll get you out of there.” How do you pack your whole life into a backpack? I took clothing, nappies and dried milk for Hamza, as well as some water and biscuits. And lipstick. Then we drove towards the airport. The streets were full of Taliban. On the way, the next message came in: “The flight isn’t happening, but stay nearby.” 

We had relatives who lived near the airport. For three days we slept and ate in one room in their home. Then my wound became inflamed, and Hamza got an infection. We drove to the nearest hospital. They were the worst hours of my life. We spent two nights in chairs next to our baby’s bed. The IV line was huge next to his tiny hand. My wound was hurting. And Taliban were patrolling the streets.  

When Hamza was discharged, we returned to our apartment. It was clear that the evacuation would not be possible soon. Very quickly the USA withdrew its troops. On that day, the sky was full of planes and when the last of them disappeared over the horizon, the Taliban fired their guns into the air in victory. Shortly afterwards, the house-to-house searches began.  

They found female activists, took them and raped them. They accused them of ‘violating Islam’. But when a woman fights to uphold her rights, this is not a violation of Islam.

Khadija, the wife of our Prophet, was a successful businesswoman. She was in charge of her own life and travelled independently. 

We were not allowed to travel. Sometimes we did not have a visa, at other times the borders were closed. We spent nights in the car and in overcrowded hotels, always hoping to find a way out of the country but never actually finding it.  

Once we even paid 5,000 US dollars for a passage to Pakistan. We drove five hours to the Torkham border crossing. There were 50,000 people pressing up against the fences and when I saw this I just wanted to turn back and go home. A woman and child had recently been crushed in the crowds. We stayed despite the fear and spent the night in a dirty room. In vain. The next morning, our smuggler said it was too risky and we would have to turn back.  

Every day felt like a year. I grew very old in those months. Yet in those dark times after August 15, 2021, I also experienced what true humanity is like. 

In December 2021, medica mondiale managed to organise a flight to Pakistan for us. From there we could travel onward to Germany. Even though it was the middle of the night when we arrived in Leipzig, many people came to welcome us, with toys and nappies, warm clothes and sanitary pads... It was simply overwhelming how these men and women were trying to ease our pain.  

For two years we lived in refugee accommodation. The mattresses squeaked, the kitchen was dirty, the neighbours were loud. But none of that was important. We were safe.  

Once a month I met up with my former colleagues. We laughed and cried and danced. Sticking together like this, jointly refusing to give up – that helped a lot. In 2023 we set up Hami e. V. Medica Afghanistan was such an important point of contact for women affected by violence. Hami will allow us to follow on from this work and empower women and girls.