Kreshma Azizi

To live: For me that means being able to make use of the talents I have been gifted with. At Medica Afghanistan I learnt how to support others. And thanks to medica mondiale I can still do this. Free to grow and pursue my dreams. I can put my gifts to use. I am very grateful to Germany for this opportunity – in Afghanistan that would currently not be possible.  

I worked as a finance assistant and auditor. Most recently at Medica Afghanistan. On the day Kabul fell into the hands of the Taliban I was sitting at my desk – in tight pants and high heels. I could not believe they had taken the city. Even when I arrived back home and saw the fighters patrolling the street from the window of our third-floor apartment – I still could not believe what I saw. But they were there. They stayed. And we had to leave. 

Shortly after the Taliban arrived, the office called me. “We are trying to organise your evacuation. You can take one other person with you,” they told me. I was engaged to be married but offered to put my father on the list. As an officer of the Afghan army he had been stationed in Kandahar Province and this put him at risk. 

On August 15, we said goodbye to my mother and my brother – my fiancé was not in Kabul at the time – and went to a hotel where we joined colleagues and their families to wait for the flight out of the country. On August 26 we drove to the airport in four buses. At the time this was the only way out of the country but it was blocked. Thousands of people were trying to reach the airport. It was chaos. The whole day we sat in a hot bus with no toilet. Some were elderly and some very young. Again and again we heard shots outside. Later that afternoon, a suicide attacker blew himself up. We gave up. Four days later, the last US forces withdrew. The Taliban had achieved a definitive victory.  

On November 1, my father was shot – in public, outside on a normal street. Now that is more than three years ago but I do not know when the pain will ease.  

At the time I was in shock. In September, my fiancé managed to travel to Kabul from Faryab, a province in northern Afghanistan. He took my now deceased father’s place on the list. We married and then, two weeks after they murdered my father, we were able to flee to Pakistan – thanks to support from medica mondiale.  

In December we flew on to Hannover. I sat next to my husband and thought: “The time has come. Now a new life is beginning.”

Ten days after we arrived, I realised I was pregnant. I swallowed my pain and suppressed my worries about my family in Kabul. I had to be strong for our baby.  

My mother and my brother will soon have the chance to leave for New Zealand. My sister, however, is still in Afghanistan. Her husband is addicted to drugs. He mistreats her and their children. If she left him, they would take the children away from her. Her father-in-law has close ties to the Taliban regime. I advised her to seek help. But there are no longer any contact points for women affected by violence. My sister is just a human being. Surely she deserves to be treated as one? Sometimes I want to concentrate on my training and my German lessons ... but the worries get in the way and leave no space for other thoughts.  

The job centre suggested I could work as a sales assistant. But I want to be there for people in need of help. So I arranged a training place for myself – to work in outpatient nursing care. It makes me very happy to be able to do this work.  

For me, Germany means freedom. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my feet would often hurt. So I had to sit down wherever I was – on benches, chairs, walls or even on the ground. Nobody was bothered. Whether I wear a headscarf or not is also my own decision. That is freedom to me: I can do anything I would like to as long as my behaviour does not harm anyone else. This includes obtaining a driving licence. 

I passed my driving test in November. In West Germany, until 1958 women needed the permission of their husband in order to learn to drive. But the women in Germany managed to overcome this discrimination. I really hope that the people in Afghanistan will manage to take a similar step.